What if There’s Not Enough Love?

I’ve been feeling a lot lately in regards to becoming a mother of 2. And I know my hormones probably aren’t helping the situation but lately I’ve felt so anxious and scared.

The love I feel for my firstborn is absolutely overwhelming. The bond I share with him is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. He’s my whole world and I never knew I could love so much until I met him.

What’s going to happen to that when his brother arrives?

I have so many fears. I know the bond between mother and child. I know that as soon as I see his sweet little face upon delivery, that I’m going to fall in love just like I did with Sawyer.

But what if there’s not enough to go around?

Currently, Saywer cried and whines and wants to be held every time I do the dishes. He will physically try to push me away from the sink and reach his arms up to be held. He has a hard time with my attention being elsewhere. We’re working on it.

But if this is how he reacts when I try to do the dishes, how will he react when I’m trying to breastfeed his brother? Or when I physically can’t hold him because I’m holding the baby?

Will it break his heart, and in turn, break mine?

The thought of having to deny him my attention is killing me. I never want him to feel neglected or that I love him less. The thought of him having a hard time is what is upsetting to me.

I know it’s temporary. I know one day he’ll wake up and never remember life without his brother. I know they’ll learn to love each other and play together and, in the long run, he’ll be the best thing that ever happened to our little family. But the time of transition, a transition I know is going to be hard for everyone, is what’s keeping me up at night.

My prayer right now is that The Lord will take away my anxiety and give me peace. I just want both my babies to be happy and I’m praying that I’ll be equipped to make that happen.

I know growing our family is going to be the best thing we ever do. But I can’t help but be overcome by fear. What did we get ourselves into?

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

-Philippians 4:6-7



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