Baby Brown

We have news!!

(As you all already know) We’re Pregnant!

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Trust me, no one is more surprised than us!

I’m sure everyone is wondering, so I’ll address the elephant in the room…why did we get pregnant after we told everyone we wanted to wait a few years?

Simple. It wasn’t planned.

We weren’t planning this at all. As some of you know, I had to go off of birth control because of my migraines. After that we were simply as careful as we could be. One night, our usual “carefulness” failed us. We figured it was one time and nothing would come of it. After all, I know plenty of couples who try for months and months before they get pregnant!

Fast forward a few weeks to when my “time of the month” is supposed to start. I’m only one day late but I tell Kurtis we should just take a test because “it will be negative and we can move on with our lives!”

It wasn’t negative.

I came out of the bathroom with tears streaming down my face and showed him. The plus sign was very faint so he didn’t buy it. I called my sister in tears and asked her to please go pick up some more pregnancy tests. She was at our door within 10 minutes with another box. I took two more and they were both positive as well. Each plus sign less faint than the last. I was freaking out and couldn’t stop crying.

How could this happen?

We don’t want this.

We can’t afford this.

We just adopted Bennett.

I just started a new job.

Kurtis hasn’t finished school yet.

We don’t want this.

How could this happen to us? I struggled for a while with how to feel. I felt guilty. I know people who want a baby so so badly and are unable to conceive. Or they struggle to get pregnant for months and months before finally being blessed with a baby. And we, who didn’t want kids yet, get pregnant after one night? I felt ungrateful, and my guilt was all I could think about.

The next day we went to the doctor to take a test there, just to be 100% sure. Of course it was positive and so we had to decide what to do. There was never a question of whether or not we would keep it. We just knew we had to talk and decide how to approach it. We decided first and foremost to change our attitudes. We started praying together that The Lord would change our hearts toward it, and help prepare us. And you know what? After just a few days, he really did.

We started feeling less terrified and more excited. The more we prayed about it, the clearer everything became.

We don’t get to decide.

And how completely ridiculous of us to think that we could! We don’t get to decide when we have kids. God has had that planned for a long time now. It is out of our control. We can take as many precautions as we want, but if God wants us to have a baby, then we’re going to have a baby. Children are a blessing no matter what the circumstances and the more we talked and prayed, the better we understood that.

Maybe we didn’t have everything figured out, and maybe it was bad timing, but everything is going to be fine. We have our families and friends here to help us, and The Lord is going to provide. All 3 of us are going to be fine.

Now that some times has passed (3 months already!) we really are getting more and more excited.  The first few months of my pregnancy were very hard. I was extremely sick (typical nausea and vomiting), and fatigued. I’ve had really bad anxiety when it comes to vomiting ever since I was a kid, and that was really hard to overcome with my pregnancy. I remember once texting my mom from the bathroom floor at work after getting sick, telling her I didn’t know how people do this, or why they do it on purpose. She was in Nashville visiting my uncle and texted me back a picture of my baby cousin Jett, telling me that’s how people get through it. The payoff is so wonderful.

I told Kurtis I didn’t know if I could do this again and that if we wanted more children we would need to adopt. I was miserable. Walking up a long flight of stairs winded me and I could only keep down certain dry carbs. I lived on saltine crackers and bagels. I fell asleep every night dreading waking up the next morning, because I knew I would just feel sick. I find it funny how the first trimester is when you’re not supposed to tell anybody, and that’s when you’re the sickest. It became impossible to hide it from my coworkers, (what with me spending so much time every shift in the bathroom) and so a handful of them knew pretty early. I was having a textbook pregnancy. Every symptom in the book I had. Mood swings, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, headaches, bloating, gas pains, etc. Literally everything. You name it, I got it. I keep hearing from other pregnant girls about how they “haven’t thrown up once” and “my pregnancy is so easy” and it makes me want to punch someone! Every pregnancy is so different and I feel like I got the short end of this stick!

At my 9 week appointment I was prescribed a miracle. An anti-nausea pill that I could take when I wasn’t feeling well that would provide relief for 4 hours. It’s amazing. It changed everything and now I think having more kids might not be too bad. Now I’m even starting to feel better and don’t need to take it every day. Although my nausea has been getting better, it’s been replaced by headaches and dizziness. But that’s a trade I’ll make any day.

I’m definitely starting to show a little bit. If you don’t know I’m pregnant you might just think I’ve eaten a little much, but Kurtis and I definitely see a baby bump! We’re anxious to find out the gender (still 8 weeks to go!) and we’re starting to throw around names.

Today we had our 12 week appointment and the baby has gotten so big! Everything looks great, 10 fingers and 10 toes with a steady heartbeat. It was moving a lot and it looked much more like a little human than last time!

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It’s crazy how much our outlooks have changed in just 2 months. I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m excited for this next adventure we have been blessed with.

Everything is going to be just fine.

xoxo.

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