Today I’m talking about something that my fellow mamas are going to love! I love supporting small businesses, especially when they make quality, useful products. Before I had Sawyer I had never even heard of a binky clip, nor did I know why he would need one.
Sawyer loves his pacifier. It can almost always calm him down and I fear the day I accidentally leave the house without one. But here’s the thing about babies. Their hand-eye coordination is zero. Literally. So he’s always dropping his binky out of his mouth. And sometimes it falls into the depths of his carseat and takes forever to find. Sometimes it falls onto the floor and contacts *gasp* germs! Or, it just falls into the abyss and literally gets lost forever.
I found these cute binky clips from an adorable shop called Lemon Yellow. I just love them! They’re so practical and easy to use. The shipping was fast and the packaging was so cute. You can tell a lot about a shop by it’s packaging and whether they took the time to make it look nice.
Here’s a little bit more about Tawna and her shop!
“I married my best friend Christopher 4 years ago and became a Mommy to to my sweet 15 month old daughter Oliva a few years later. I left the job I loved, working for Cardiothoracic Surgeons, to be a full time Mom, which was my dream and I absolutely love it! My little one was ALWAYS dropping and losing her pacifier. I found myself buying more and more before I finally became fed up and decided to try and make a pacifier clip myself. I had already made all of her bows and when I figured out how to make paci clips I was so relieved. No more losing her binky! I just sewed as a hobby and for fun. But, after giving away several bows and binky clips as gifts I had so many people tell me I should sell them. I decided to give it a try, and although it’s been a lot more difficult getting started than I thought, it has been rewarding and so much fun!”
We love these binky clips in our house! Tawna offers so many different adorable designs for them. She also sells bows for little ladies, as well as matching binky clip and bow sets!
They are so easy to use, just thread the binky through, and clip to your little one’s clothes! I love them so much that I’ve teamed up with Lemon Yellow to give you a chance to win a 3 pack of your own! To enter, head to my Instagram:
What type is right for you and what should be in it?
Ah, the diaper bag! At first the thought of carrying around a diaper bag bummed me out, it was an official mom staple! But after doing some of my infamous research, I found some really cute brands and designers I wanted to try. Plus I got to read up all about the packing and preparing, two of my favorite things!
I’m an over-packer. I love to pack. It’s almost my favorite part of vacations. People give me a hard time about it, but I’m always prepared! Got a headache? Here, have some tylenol. Want a more natural remedy? Have some peppermint oil. Or some peppermint beadlets. I have both. Cold? There’s an extra jacket and emergency blanket in the trunk of my car. Hungry? Granola bar, front pocket of my purse. Thirsty? I got you. Papercut? Take a band-aid.
So, the same goes for my diaper bag. I never want to forget anything or be without something I need! So, I probably overpack. But there’s not a single thing in there I haven’t used at least once.
After doing some research I decided I definitely wanted a Petunia Pickle Bottom (Shocker, I know. It’s my first non-Vera Bradley bag in a long, long time). They had the best reviews and I was told it would last a while so I could use it for all my future babies as well. They are pricey, but you are paying for quality! I ended up with two. A Sashay Satchel and a Boxy Backpack. Here, I’ll review both of them, so you don’t have to!
Here is what I fit into both:
Changing Pad (Sashay Satchel only)
Swaddle Blanket
Nursing Cover
Burp Cloth
Bib
Extra Onesie*
Plastic Baggies*
Baby’s Vera Bradley Cosmetic filled with: Desitin, Nipple Sheild, Extra Pacifier, Extra Socks, Hand Sanitizer, Baby Lotion, and Baby Sunscreen
Toy/Rattle*
Wipes
5 Diapers
Coupon Holder
Wallet
Mama’s Vera Bradley Cosmetic filled with: Band aids, Medicine Baggie ( Filled with: Tylenol, Excedrin Migraine, Azo, Zyrtec, and Cough Drops), Roller bottle of peppermint oil, Roller bottle of lavender oil, EOS lip balm, EOS hand lotion, Lip Gloss, Mascara, etc.
Pepper Spray
Gum
Pacifier Pod w/ Pacifier
*- Why would I need this?
*Extra Onesie- For blowout/spit up situations (trust me, you’ll use it all the time)
*Plastic baggies- To put the dirty clothes after the blowout/spit up situation, until you can get home and throw it in the wash! Also good for dirty diapers if there’s no trash can arround
* Toy/rattle- Sawyer is still a little young for toys but he is just starting to notice and appreciate colors, sounds, and textures. Although he can’t play with it himself yet, shaking the toy/rattle in front of him will keep him entertained or calm him down when he’s fussy because he’s mesmerized by it!
I lucked out and my Aunt sent me a PPB she was no longer using! It was a black Sashay Satchel. From the looks of it, I loved it. It was so cute and classy and easy to carry. It has detachable backpack straps, front and back slip pockets, and 2 side pockets for bottles. But, being the over packer that I am, it was just barely too small. It was stuffed to the brim and every time I needed something from it, I would practically have to unpack the whole thing to find what I was looking for. Plus, I knew as Sawyer gets older, or I had more kids, I need to carry even more stuff with me (snacks, baby food, toys, full change of clothes, etc.) So I needed something bigger.
Stuffed full!
So, I started researching (yay!). The fan favorite seemed to be the boxy backpack. It has a fold-out changing pad (so I would no longer need to carry one), detachable backpack straps, and lots of inside pockets for organization. I bought a fairly new one from and Ebay shop for much less than retail (So, yes, I have two PPB bags, but I did not spend $400-$500 getting them!)
It fits everything so much better. It has a few pockets on the inside which the Sashay Satchel doesn’t. So I was able to keep my nursing cover, burp cloth, extra onesie, baggies, extra socks, diapers and wipes, all organized in the pockets, and the middle just holds the swaddle blanket, the Vera Bradley cosmetics, my wallet, and the toy. The pockets make it so much easier to find what I’m looking for, and my bag isn’t stuffed to the brim and overflowing.
So much better! And there’s still room for when I need more.
Here are the pros and cons of each bag:
Sashay Satchel
Pros:
Cuter and classier looking (in my opinion)
Front and back slip pockets
2 side pockets for bottles
Key clip
Cons
Too small
No fold out changing pad
No inside pockets
Boxy Backpack
Pros
Easy to wipe down
Fold out changing pad
Plenty of space
Lots of inside pockets for organization
2 side pockets for bottles
Keys clip
Detachable backpack straps
Cons
No front and back slip pockets
So, there you have it! I’m going to hold on to both bags. I really like the look of the Sashay Satchel better, but it just doesn’t hold everything I need (It would be perfect for someone who isn’t a chronic over packer like myself). But so far I love the quality of the PPB brand and would recommend to anyone!
Mama Hack: Keep an emergency diaper bag in the back of your car. This is great for days when you use the last diaper in your bag and forgot to pack up more. Or you’re just running to the store and don’t want to lug your big bag with you when you’re only going to be out of the house for 30 minutes. Or an emergency stranded on the side of the road type situation. A friend of mine got me an adorable Mickey Mouse “Mini Diaper Bag” which worked perfectly!
What’s in it:
10 Diapers
Wipes
Blanket
Extra Onesie
Extra Socks
Emergency Formula Packets
Bottle (not pictured)
Change of clothes for me (not pictured)
It just sits in the trunk of my car and so far I’ve never had to use it!
What’s your favorite brand of Diaper Bag? And what else do you keep in it? Comment below!
That’s all I have to say about this new baby situation.
Seriously, our poor, poor dog. His world was turned upside down and it must’ve been such a shock for him! They say dogs know when you’re pregnant but I honestly think Bennett had no idea. He didn’t act any differently towards me anyways!
Bennett was definitely our baby before Sawyer came. We still try to treat him as such, but no one can deny things have changed. He must’ve freaked out when we were gone for a week and then suddenly came back with a new human that was going to be living with us. Oh, and taking all our attention.
At first, Bennett was fascinated by Sawyer. He was constantly licking him all over and wanting to be wherever he was. Luckily, he was very gentle and loving, just a tad smothering. After a few weeks the effect wore off, now, Sawyer is old news and Bennett hardly gives him the time of day. When Kurtis went back to work I wasn’t really sure what to do with the dog. I could barely walk myself after my surgery let alone walk the dog with the newborn baby in tow. How was I supposed to take him out to go to the bathroom? Leave the baby inside? He can’t just jump up on the couch or the bed to cuddle with me anymore, what if he lands on Sawyer?
His preference for Kurtis over me became extremely obvious, more so than ever before. He waited by the window for hours on end waiting for him to come home from work, and showing the most enthusiasm he had all day when he finally walked through the front door. He moped around the house all day not interacting with and I watched with dismay as my dog became more and more depressed.
I did what I could to try and let him know I didn’t love him any less but it was obvious to us both…he wasn’t my top priority anymore.
Luckily, my mom lives close by and she came over every day for the first 2 weeks Kurtis was back at work and took Bennett on a walk for me. I started to get the hang of taking him out to the bathroom (put Sawyer in the Mamaroo, leave the front door open so I can hear him, and go as fast as possible), and after a few weeks I even figured out how to walk him (Put Sawyer in the Moby Wrap and put a shock collar on the dog so he doesn’t pull me like crazy).
There were a few weeks there when he was just too much for me. Our dog is hyper, and I couldn’t help but be frustrated and mad when he would get into the trashcan and strew dirty diapers all over the living room, or tear up a pillow and leave fuzz all over the house. Normally, I could just discipline him and move on, but now it was one more thing to deal with on top of everything else and I didn’t feel equipped to handle it. And I couldn’t hide from him that he was frustrating to me. So I started making sure I pet him more. If Sawyer was asleep or in the Mamaroo, I let him on the couch or the bed to snuggle. I would pick up a cheap toy for him every time I went grocery shopping, so that he would have something to keep him busy, and he would know I was still thinking of him. I started simply smiling when I talked to him and using a happy, high pitched tone of voice.
I watched as his mood improved and he got back to his old self again. Even though everything has changed, I need to treat him with the same love that I did before. The transition from dog mom to human mom is hard because they have such different needs, but my dog still has needs all the same.
My family is only going to keep growing but I know there is enough love to go around!
We invested in Bark Box a few months back and it has been a lifesaver since bringing Sawyer home. Every month the box arrives full of treats and toys to keep him busy, and it only costs about what we would be spending on treats and toys anyways. Bennett recognizes the box when it comes and goes NUTS. He’s always extremely happy for a few days after it’s arrived! And it’s good for him to get a little special something, especially now that he’s sharing our attention with his “little brother”. We love it!
Did you have fur children before human children? How did you handle the transition?
I loved the newborn stage. I know a lot of people don’t because of all the sleepless nights, but I really really loved it! I loved my sweet squishy newborn. The bigger he gets the sadder I get, even though it is fun to watch him grow and develop, it’s already going so fast! And while Sawyer was still waking up to eat a few times per night and I wasn’t getting much sleep, he wasn’t a very fussy newborn. I feel like the older he gets the more reasons he find to cry!
I think one of the reasons I enjoyed the newborn stage was all of the tips, tricks, and products I used. It never hurts to make things easier on yourself.
Life With a Newborn – Tips and Tricks
#1. Have somewhere to put them down in every room
This is so vital. You always want somewhere to put them down so you can give your arms a break and get things done! In his room, there’s obviously the crib, in our room we have a pack ‘n’ play set up, in the living room we have a bassinet, and we transport our mamaroo between the kitchen and the living room.
#2 Have a “baby station” station in every room (except the kitchen!)
We keep a little station filled with diapers, wipes, diaper cream, a changing pad, a blanket, a burp cloth, etc. in the living room, our room, and of course, his room. This makes things so much easier because I don’t have to walk upstairs or down the hall to the nursery every time I need something! I keep all this stuff in the same location where I can put them down so it takes up less space. I don’t have one in the kitchen because I don’t want to be changing diapers where I cook and eat!
#3 While you’re at it, have nursing stations as well
If you need one. I’m high maintenance and need a lot of stuff before I sit down to nurse! Sawyer is unable to latch without a nipple shield so I keep those all around the house. I have a recliner in the living room that has been designated my nursing chair, a glider in the nursery, and of course, our bed in our room. I keep a nipple shield in each spot, a glass or bottle that I can fill with water, a burp cloth, and something to do. A magazine, the tv, my laptop open to netflix, etc. And a boppy pillow. The boppy pillow is amazing! I’ve even thought about buying a second boppy pillow to keep downstairs, so I’m not constantly toting it back and forth. I figured it was too frivolous to have multiple (but I still might do it).
#4 Have designated “you” time
It took me a long time to figure out that if I wanted any time to myself, Sawyer needed to go to bed earlier than I did. It sounds so simple but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that he should have an earlier bedtime. I knew once he was a little older he would start going to bed early, but for his first few weeks of life, he would go to bed at 12 or 1 am like we did. Only recently did I start putting him down a good 2 hours before I go to bed. And I love that time! Granted, I don’t relax or anything, but it’s nice to have 2 hours of free time to clean, blog, do laundry, etc. Sometimes if Kurtis doesn’t have to be at work early the next morning, we’ll use that time to be together and I cherish that. (If he does have to be up early, he goes to bed when Sawyer does!) And maybe one night if I’m all caught up on housework, I’ll use that time to relax (we’ll see…).
Life with a Newborn – Products I love
I’m a huge “gear” fanatic. When I was doing my registry/shopping for baby it wasn’t the little outfits and shoes I was excited about, it was all the stuff! I love essentials that make your life easier, I was constantly researching monitors, strollers, swings, etc. to find the best one. And I loved doing that research! Here are the things I’ve discovered I couldn’t have done it without!
Moby Wrap
If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve absolutely fallen in love with baby wearing. I got a Moby Wrap as a shower gift and I am so glad I did! I don’t know what I would do without it. There are so many advantages to baby wearing (that’s for a whole other post), but my favorite is that it’s hands free! I wrap Swayer up in it, and not only can I get things done around the house but he almost always falls right asleep. It’s also a great alternative to luging the stroller around.
Mamaroo
We love our mamaroo. We loved it even before Sawyer was born! (We would put a stuffed bear in it and play with the different settings) I spent a lot of time researching swings and seats before deciding I really wanted this one. It mimics the movements of all the things babies love. It has 5 movement modes, Car Ride, Tree Swing, Kangaroo, Rock-A-Bye, and Ocean Wave, and 5 variable speeds for each. Sawyer loves Car Ride, given that he loves the real car, and Kanagroo. You have to see it in action to see how amazing it truly is, but it’s really great! Sawyer takes almost all of his naps in it, and he’ll be content in it for a good while before wanting to be picked up again. He loves to look at the mobile above it now that he’s starting to notice colors. The fabric is easy to remove and machine washable. You can also plug your phone into the mP3 player and play music for your little one!
The Mamaroo is kind of expensive, but I think it’s worth every penny. It’s great quality, and I couldn’t find a single bad review on it. The company that makes it, 4moms, has amazing products, and everyone I know who has a Mamaroo raves about it. We were lucky enough to get it as a shower gift from my Grandma.
Mama hack: They have discontinued colors for slightly less on Amazon. We registered for the classic grey one, which saved some money 🙂
Velcro Swaddles
Sawyer loves to be swaddled and can’t sleep unless he’s wrapped up tight! These velcro swaddles from Babies R Us make it so easy! Since they velcro shut it’s harder for him to break out of, which helps him sleep longer. We got a 3 pack off our registry and we love them!
Aden and Anais Muslin Swaddles
I love these swaddles as well! Although they are a tad easier for Swayer to break out of, they are so so soft and light, great for the Summer! They are also so pretty with the cutest designs. Again, a tad expensive, but extremely good quality! Prince William and Princess Kate even used them for Prince George (I love the royal family, big time), which was reason enough for me to want some, ha. We got one, lonely, Aden and Anais swaddle as a hand me down, and I liked it so much that I went out and bought a 4 pack! I keep one in my diaper bag so I can swaddle him when he needs to nap while we’re out. Swayer tends to fight the velcro swaddles unless he is very drowsy so we use these for nap time and the velcros for bed time. They can also be used as a receiving blanket, a nursing cover, a burp cloth, or a car seat cover.
Pack N Play
We have a pack n play with a detachable bassinet next to our bed that Sawyer is currently sleeping in. It has a newborn bassinet, an infant bassinet, and then will eventually convert to a toddle play yard so it will grow with him so we can use it for years to come! We’ll keep it next to our bed, and he’ll sleep in it until we’re ready to transition him into his own room.
Boppy Pillow
The Boppy Pillow is amazing. It slides around your stomach and acts as a place to place baby and rest your arms during breastfeeding. I forgot I had gotten it for the first few weeks and my arms were killing me! Then, I found it in the nursery and start using it religiously. Problem solved. And they make cute covers that you can change out or throw in the wash for easy cleaning. I only wish it was portable so I could take it with me everywhere! Every nursing mom needs one.
Snuza Hero
I honestly don’t know how I would’ve slept without the Snuza Hero. They day we brought Sawyer home from the hospital, he was 4 days old, and I made the mistake of reading and article about SIDS. It scared me so bad and gave me horrible anxiety. Even when Sawyer was sleeping, I wouldn’t. I was constantly sitting up in bed and shining my phone flashlight on him to make sure he was breathing. I cried before putting him down to sleep every night and kept a constant watch on him. I was a mess. My grandpa came to my rescue and bought me the Snuza Hero off my registry. It is a breathing monitor that clips to his diaper and monitors the movement of his stomach going up and down as he breathes. If 15 seconds go by without movement, it gently vibrates to get him going again. If 20 more seconds pass without movement, it sets off an alarm to wake me up. It has gone off a few times and everything has been fine. A few times I have no idea why it went off, as Sawyer seemed to be breathing fine to me, and a few times it went off because it had fallen off his diaper or come loose. But at least I know it’s doing it’s job and WILL go off if it doesn’t detect movement. It gives me peace of mind, and I sleep much better!
It’s a lot smaller than it looks!
So, these are the tips, tricks, and products I couldn’t have done it without during our life with a newborn! I would buy all these products, and use all those tricks again in a second for my next baby!
What are your favorite tips, tricks, and products to make life with a newborn easier? Comment below!
When Sawyer was one day old we had our dear friend Leah come to the hospital to do his newborn pictures. Her family is very close with mine, we have been friends all our lives, and she is an incredibly talented photographer (she did our pregnancy announcement pictures as well as my sister’s wedding pictures)! Unfortunately, while she was there my blood pressure spiked and I got very sick and she had to leave so the doctors could do their thing. She didn’t get very many pictures so she kindly offered to do more for us at a later date.
Well, life happens, and with my recovery, Kurtis going back to work, and Leah planning her own wedding, we were’t able to get to it until Sawyer was almost 6 weeks old!
But I still love both sets of pictures! Here are some of my favorites!
I can’t believe Little Man is already 5 weeks old! Where has the time gone? I’ve learned a lot of things during my first month as a Mom. It’s hard, but I can do it. Some days Sawyer refuses to nap, some days Bennett drives me absolutely crazy (baby+puppy=losing my mind), some days my husband works for 12 hours and I’m ready to pull my hair out by the time he gets home, and so is he!
But every night when we settle into bed (baby, puppy, and all), I’m so grateful for my little family. I’ve learned how to balance things as best I can. I’ve learned it’s okay to se him down and let him cry while I take a 2 minute shower or grab something to eat. I’ve learned how important it is to take care of myself for Sawyer’s sake. If I don’t drink enough water or eat enough calories then I won’t produce enough milk for my baby to eat. But I’ve also learned to put myself second or even third when it comes to the needs of my family. I’ve learned to accept help even when I don’t want to. I have the mentality that I can deny myself and handle it all, but sometimes I really need a nap, or someone to help me with the laundry, or cook us a meal, and as long as my loved ones are still offering, I need to take them up on it!
Sawyer grows before my eyes each and every day! His newborn outfits get a little tighter on him every day and I may or may not have cried when I realized he was almost too big for my favorite outfit yesterday. He loves bath time, his Mamaroo, begin worn in the Moby Wrap, his car seat, and being swaddled. He has an almost insatiable appetite and eats like it’s his job. Breastfeeding was hard at first, but we’ve gotten the hang of it with the help of a nipple shield (TMI?), and now we’re going strong.
He hates diaper changes, taking naps, being cold, and spitting up. He’s a relatively easy baby except when it comes to nap time. He falls asleep best in my arms (after a few minutes of intensely fighting it, no matter how tired he is), and then transferring him to his bassinet or his mamaroo or wherever I want to set him down is the real challenge. And if he’s not swaddled he will easily flail and wake himself up and start screaming. It’s great. We try to lay him down when he’s drowsy so he can learn to put himself to sleep. It works sometimes.
However, he sleeps at night like a champ! We’ve been using the Baby Wise method and keeping him on a schedule, as best we can. He sleeps 5-7 hour stretches through the night, wakes up once to eat, and then will go down again for another 3-4 hours. He still has his off nights where we’re both up all night but they’re becoming few and far between. We hope to have him sleeping all the way through the night soon!
As for me, I’m doing okay. There’s no way to fully prepare yourself for life postpartum, and with my recovery on top of that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I never really got the “baby blues” and for that I’m grateful, but there were a few days where my symptoms were really bad and I was really scared that something was wrong. I fell into kind of a deep funk then, but I went to the doctor and got everything checked out and my blood pressure was actually down! After that my mood drastically improved since I wasn’t worried anymore.
And sure, there are days when I get lonely or go stir crazy being cooped up in the house with a crying baby and hyper dog by myself all day. Kurtis’ car broke down last week and he’s been using mine to get to work so I am quite literally stuck at home until his gets fixed! Some days it’s hard, but my family is close by and I know it’s not forever.
I’m 35 lbs down since delivery and still have 11 more to go to get back to pre-baby weight. I haven’t been doing anything since I need to be cleared by my doctor before I’m allowed to exercise and I have been eating whatever is easy and available to me (what I can make and eat with one hand with a crying baby in the other). I know the first 35 lbs just fell of with delivery, and breastfeeding, and my swelling going down. The last 11 lbs I’ll probably really have to work for! But as I feel stronger each day, I’m excited to be more active once I get cleared!
Month One is done and in the books! While I’m sad to see my squishy newborn look more and more like a real baby every day, I’m excited to hit more milestones in his life.
I’ve been working with an awesome business, The Lotion Company! the Lotion Company offers all natural products made locally in Muncie, Indiana.
Their lotion is made with these amazing 4 ingredients:
Aloe Vera
Vegetable-based Glycerin
Macadamia Nut Oil
Sesame Seed Oil
I love things that are all natural. I tend to be on the “crunchy” side so I like to know the ingredients of what I’m putting on or in my body. The Lotion Company’s has a complete list of ingredients for all of it’s products listed on it’s website so you know exactly what you are getting.
They have tons of products as well. Milk Bottles, Ball Jars, 18 oz bottles, 2 oz bottles, Farmer’s Hands, and Lip Balm! And some really great fragrances including, Baby Powder, Brown Sugar, Dahlia Blossom, Free and Clear, Kiwi Mango, Lavender, Spring Cherry, Sweet Pea, Vanilla Bean, and Vanilla Musk.
They also have options to make your own customized labels or do a fundraiser!
The Lotion Company was kind enough to send me a lavender scented Milk Bottle. I chose to sample lavender because I was 34 weeks pregnant when I received it, and was experiencing a seriously itching belly! Not only is the Milk Bottle adorable, but the lavender lotion was extremely soothing on my belly and stopped the itching for a few hours after I applied it. It was amazing! When it started itching again, I would apply more lotion for relief almost instantly. Now, I keep it above my sink to keep my hands soft after I was dishes. I would recommend it to everyone!
I love it so much that I’m collaborating with The Lotion Company to give away 1 Milk Bottle and 6 assorted 2 oz bottles to 1 lucky winner! Head to my Instagram to enter!
My whole life I have been a wimp. “Strong” is not a word I would use to describe myself. I don’t like taking big risks, I am a very picky eater, I hate roller coasters, I hate scary movies, I would never go skydiving or bungee jumping, and I have an extremely low pain tolerance.
On June 24th, 2015, I had just been discharged from the hospital after being diagnosed with preeclampsia and put on bed rest. We were so happy to be home but very scared and cautious at the same time. We knew we had to be on alert and make sure my condition didn’t change. We went to sleep in our own bed and slept and slept. We were so exhausted from spending the last 3 days in the hospital, we didn’t wake up until almost 1:00pm the next afternoon. Looking back, I’m so glad we had the chance to do that, that was the last time we would sleep in, probably ever!
June 25th, 2015. Kurtis went out to run some errands and I got a few things done around the house. The doctor I had spoken to before I left told me the bed rest was not strict and I could move around a little. I called my doctor to schedule all my blood pressure tests (they wanted to check my blood pressure regularly until I hit 37 weeks and could safely deliver the baby), loaded the dishwasher, and put in a load of laundry. Feeling like I had probably done enough activity for a while, I settled on the couch and watched some tv. When Kurtis got home, we went over to my mom’s house to discuss the plan for the next 10 days until I delivered. We have air conditioning in our town home but it isn’t ventilated well enough to reach the upstairs so our bedroom gets extremely uncomfortable in the Summer and Kurtis didn’t want me being alone when he went back to work so it was decided on the days he worked I would spend my “bed rest” on my mom’s couch so I could be cool, and she could keep and eye on my symptoms and take back to the hospital if needed.
When we got home from my mom’s it was about 6:00pm. We decided to take my blood pressure. We had a cuff at home and were instructed to take it every few hours. It was expected to still be pretty high since I was still pregnant, but to call them if it got in the “danger” zone.
It was in the danger zone.
At first we decided to wait 30 minutes while I relaxed and then take it again before we panicked. Then I noticed myself starting to get a headache and a pain in the right side of my ribs, two of the warning signs they had told me to watch out for. We took my blood pressure again. It was even higher. Kurtis called the medical advice line and they told us to get to the hospital right away. He grabbed our bags and loaded up the car. We had barely been home 24 hours.
I lost it.
I began sobbing so uncontrollably I could barely breathe. I was clutching onto Bennett like my life depended on it, determined not to leave him. I told Kurtis I wouldn’t go, that I knew they were just going to monitor me again and send me home once I stabilized and we couldn’t keep doing that for the next two weeks. I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my house and my dog to go back to that awful hospital room with the doctors all telling me something different, unable to give me a straight answer to my questions, unable to agree on my treatment, each one having a different plan. I couldn’t go back there and I was determined not to.
Eventually, Kurtis coaxed me to the car and I sobbed the whole way there. We stopped at a gas station where Kurtis got me a protein shake so I would have something in my stomach. We knew once I was admitted I wouldn’t be allowed to eat in case they needed to deliver. When we arrived, they skipped the triage completely and admitted me right away. Nurses swarmed in hooking me up to all kinds of machines. I tearfully gave them my arm each time they wanted blood or an IV. I begrudgingly got up and trekked with all my monitors to the bathroom each time they wanted urine. I was too tired to fight it, to ask them questions. I just laid there like a zombie not wanting to talk to any of them, and just allowed them to do their thing. I was poked and prodded and I tried not to care (my arm would be extremely bruised for 2 weeks after).
June 26th, 2015. After a few hours, Kurtis went to go get himself some food (I, once again was not allowed to eat) while I laid in bed and watched TV. Out of nowhere, an older man with scrubs walked into my room, hastily introduced himself, and started talking about my epidural. He was very direct, to the point, and had probably been talking for 5 straight minutes before he noticed the bewilderment on my face and then asked if the doctor had been in to talk to me yet.
“No!” I exclaimed. I was terrified as to why he was there and why he was talking to me about epidurals. Of course. Kurtis was gone and I was all by myself. I started crying and my nurse ran in and apologized. “We thought the doctor had already talked to you! She was supposed to come in first. We’re going to have ourselves a little birthday party in about an hour.”
And that’s how I found out they had decided it was best to delivery the baby. He was still breeched and we had decided against trying to turn him so C-Section it was. Half of me was terrified, half of me was relieved I wasn’t going to be sent home again. We called our families to let them know the baby was coming while the nurses prepped me for surgery. Our families and a few friends arrived and came back to see us. We visited for a while and then they filed out to let Kurtis and I be alone for a little bit. We spent a few quiet moments together, our last time just the two of us, and then they came to take me away.
I never felt a contraction, I never pushed, I didn’t have my baby set on my chest after delivery. My heart ached for “normal”. There was nothing normal about what was happening here. I prayed for peace the whole way to the OR.
I remember I hated the fluorescent lights. I hated that I could see all the machines and the tools that would momentarily be used to cut me open. I hated that my dad was in Iraq and couldn’t be here. I hated this whole thing. They sat me up on the table and I began shaking uncontrollably and crying and telling Kurtis I couldn’t do this. I was terrified. He held my hands and looked me in the eyes and talked me through the whole thing. They administered the numbing shot first, and then the epidural. It hurt, but I survived. They had me lay back and wait to feel numb. I was still shaking uncontrollably. The epidural took and they began the surgery.
Kurtis stayed by my head and prayed over me and talked to me the whole time. We talked about how we had first met in high school and how we never imagined we’d end up here. Every time I got scared or the tugging and pulling got too uncomfortable I would ask him to pray again. I tried to stay as calm as possible. I heard the doctor announce that she was in and the nurse told me that I was going to feel some uncomfortable pressure in my chest. It was the only part that kind of hurt after the epidural. I tried my best to breathe through it. As I was doing this, Kurtis told me that since I had been through so much, I could pick his middle name. “It’s Sawyer Joshua” I said in between breaths, I felt a final tug and a nurse called out “4:04!” I held my breath waiting to hear my baby cry.
Silence.
I gave him a few seconds and then I started looking around the room and panicking. “Why isn’t he crying?” I asked the nurses. They assured me that he was fine. I couldn’t see anything over the sheet blocking my stomach. More seconds that felt like hours passed and still, nothing. I was panicked and everyone kept assuring me that he was fine. I wouldn’t find out until later that he wasn’t breathing.
2 minutes and 30 seconds later, right as they were about to intubate him, he let out a scream, followed by crying. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. There are no words to describe how I felt when I finally heard him. I choked back a few sobs and tears ran down my face. It was the first happiness I had felt since this whole nightmare began 3 days earlier. It would still be a while before I could see him so I sent Kurtis over to be with him while they got his stats.
“Babe, he’s 7 punds 2 ounces!” He shouted to me from the other end of the room. We couldn’t believe our preemie was so big! Finally, they wrapped him up, handed him to Kurtis, and he was able to bring him over to me. I looked at him for a few seconds. He was beautiful! Not wrinkly, no cone head or anything! One of the few perks to a C-section. After just a few seconds I got horrible shakes again and got extremely nauseous. I focused on breathing while Kurtis and Sawyer bonded. They stitched me up and transferred me to a bed. They plopped the baby down next to me and wheeled me to recovery.
The next few days are where it gets hard again. I had to be on magnesium for 12 hours in an attempt to keep my blood pressure down. Magnesium is not fun. It makes you extremely hot and gives you flu-like symptoms. I handled it better than I thought I would and didn’t think it was to awful. I got pretty hot at times but I mostly slept through it as I rested after delivery. We all slept for a long while that first day since we had been up all night. My blood pressure was still really high the whole time I was in the hospital and for 2 weeks after I was home. I would constantly get bad headaches and the doctors would be stumped as to why my preeclampsia wasn’t going away even though the baby was out.
We stayed in the hospital 4 days while I recovered and Sawyer was monitored. I’ll never forget the first time they had me get up and walk to the bathroom. It was excruciating. I’ve never felt pain like that in my life. The 4 feet between my bed and the toilet seemed like and eternity and with each step I felt my incision burn. The nurse had to do basically everything for me, which is one of the most humbling experiences of my life.
I was, for the first time ever, completely bed ridden. I didn’t change a single diaper until we were home from the hospital. I couldn’t. When Sawyer cried in the middle of the night, I couldn’t sit up in bed to pick him up and comfort him. Kurtis did every diaper change and almost every feeding. Sawyer wouldn’t latch for the first couple of days due to being a preemie, and had to be bottle fed donor milk. I stopped drinking water the second day we were there to avoid having to go to the bathroom again, I couldn’t bear the idea of walking. I took painkillers to no avail. Doctors and nurses were constantly coming in at any hour of the day or night and I wasn’t getting any sleep.
Finally, on day 3, the pain wasn’t quite as bad and I was able to stand and take a shower (with lots of help), and walk down the hall to the ice machine and back. Sitting up in bed was still the hardest thing and everything I did still hurt pretty badly. I was still having preeclampsia symptoms on top of all this. On day 4 we were finally discharged and could take Sawyer home.
Home was a whole new challenge. Luckily, Kurtis got a “paternity leave” from work and was able to spend the first 2 weeks with me. Plus both of our families live in town and were able to help a lot. We came home to a completely clean house and all the baby stuff set up where we would need it. We were provided meals, and our mom’s would sit with Sawyer during the day so we could nap. But I still relied heavily on pain medication, I was still experiencing a lot of preeclampsia symptoms, I needed help getting up and down the stairs and had a really hard time with Sawyer’s night-time feedings. Kurtis can sleep through absolutely anything and the hardest thing was still sitting up and getting out of bed.
But I did it. I did all of it. I pushed through every ounce of pain and every shred of anxiety and I tackled a premature birth requiring an emergency C-section, recovery from said C-section while simultaneously recovering from preeclampsia as well, all while caring for and adjusting to a newborn. And I don’t mean to toot my own horn but for the girl who used to need nurses to hold her down while she got a shot, I’m pretty proud of myself for handling everything and coming out okay. Sawyer and I are both healthy, and we couldn’t have done it without all the help and support of my amazing husband and our families. I’m stronger than I ever knew but I did it all for him. And I’d do it all over again if it meant my beautiful, healthy baby would be sleeping on my chest like he is right now. Nothing about this was planned. From his conception to his delivery he has been constantly surprising us but he’s the biggest blessing we could’ve imagined.
First of all, thank you all so much for your prayers and sweet words. Kurtis, baby, and I are currently all doing fine. Baby is still in my tummy by the way!
As most of you know, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia on Monday. I went into the doctor’s office for my normal 35 week checkup and my blood pressure was a little high so after my check up they had me stay for 20 minutes of monitoring and some other tests. The baby looked great on the monitor, steady heartbeat and squirming all around, but they found a lot of protein in my urine test, combined with some questionable lab results, and my high blood pressure was enough to diagnose me.
If you don’t know what preeclampsia is, it is basically just high blood pressure during pregnancy that, if left untreated, can have some pretty bad or even fatal consequences for mom or baby or both. Everyone’s case is different, and in my case, baby brown is completely fine in there, thumping away, it’s me that’s not okay. The only cure for preeclampsia is to deliver the baby.
She told me they were going to keep a close eye on me and that everything should be fine but the baby would have to be born at 37 weeks (still 2 weeks away) at the very latest. She then told me that if I got a headache tylenol didn’t take care of, or I got oddly nauseous or had blurry vision that I would need to go in right away.
My heart sank as I told her I had had a headache since early that morning and taken tylenol a few hours beforehand and it hadn’t gone away. I saw her face grow concerned and she told me she would call the hospital and tell them I was on my way. Kurtis was outside on a conference call this whole time and had no idea what was happening. I went out and told him and we were on our way.
The next 3 days are a huge whirlwind. At the hospital, they hooked me up to machines to monitor me to decide if I needed to be admitted or if I could go home. Almost every time she took my blood pressure, it set off alarms it was so high. They decided to admit me, and moved me to my own room. Kurtis ran home to get stuff (we were kicking ourselves for not having hospital bags) and take Bennett to his parents, and my mom came down to be with me.
After they moved me a bunch of nurses came in and hooked me up to all kinds of things, took lots of blood and urine, etc. I also got an ultrasound to make sure baby was developed thoroughly in case he needed to come out that night. He was! Strong lungs, and he already weights about 6.3 lbs! A little while after that, the doctor came in. She told me that they were going to put me on medication for the night and see how I did, they wanted to try and keep him in for a few more days to give him some more time, but ultimately, he needed to come out in order for me to be okay.
This is the frustrating part, but I guess it just comes with the unpredictabilities of pregnancy and the human body. I looked right at her and asked “So, I’m not leaving here without a baby?”
“Oh no, you won’t be going home until after you deliver.”
Kurtis and I went to sleep that night thinking we would have a baby in the morning!
That night was awful. We wrestled with the emotions of me being danger, the baby being a preemie, being completely unprepared, the baby being breeched, my dad being out of the country, and nothing going the way we had thought it would. On top of all the emotional turmoil, I felt awful. My head was pounding, I had heartburn and really bad nausea, I was hooked up to a ton of machines making it impossible to get comfortable, and my blood pressure cuff took a reading every 15 minutes making it impossible to sleep.
I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to be home in my own bed with Kurtis and Bennett.
However, morning came and I had greatly improved. My blood pressure was still much to high for normal people, but lower than it had been the day before, and my headache was gone. They took more blood and all my labs had improved as well. A different doctor came in and told me they wanted to hold off on delivery as long as I was stable. He said they would keep me in the hospital another day or two to monitor me. As long as I stayed stable, baby stayed in. As soon as I was unstable (my BP spiked, I got another headache, I started having contractions, I swell up again, etc.) baby needed to come out immediately. The ultimate goal is to keep me stable as long as possible and hopefully get me to the 37 week mark. We don’t know if I’ll make it that far, but the more time baby has to cook, the better, even if it’s only 3 more days.
So, after 2 days on monitoring, I was able to stay stable for a full 24 hours. My blood pressure is still very high for a normal person, but on the lower side for preeclampsia. The swelling in my feet has even gone down for the first time in 3 weeks thanks to some pressure treatments! I am at home, I still have preeclampsia, I am still pregnant, and I am on bed rest. We have a blood pressure cuff here at home with us to check me every couple of hours, and I will go in to see my regular doctor for tests every few days. If my BP spikes or I get a headache or any other symptoms I have to go in right away to take baby out. They gave me the option to stay in the hospital until I was full term but we would much rather be home. I will not be allowed to go past the 37 week mark, so baby brown will be here on July 6th at the latest! And that’s only if my condition stays stable until then.
So again, thank you all so much for your prayers! I truly believe that it is the reason why I am now out of the danger zone, and have improved and been able to stay stable this long. I am also thankful we went to the doctor when we did. We actually weren’t supposed to go until the following week, but we can only go on Mondays and they didn’t have any openings so we went a week early. I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened if my blood pressure had continued to climb the way it was headed without getting proper medical attention. Kurtis wasn’t even supposed to have work off that day but pulled a few strings and was able to come to the appointment with me. Also, as many of you know my Dad is currently overseas and we were all devastated that he was going to miss the birth. But now, as long as everything keeps going well he should be back in time! We are so blessed in so many ways and so so thankful that The Lord was clearly watching over us on Monday. And although we are a tad disappointed we didn’t get to bring home a baby like we were originally told, we know it’s best for him to stay in a little while longer, and are thankful he gets the chance to.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers that I will stay stable and Thumper will cook until 37 weeks! Also, that I won’t die of boredom while on bed rest.
On sunday, my mom and my 2 best friends threw me a wonderful baby shower! I could not have been more blessed. The shower was The Lion King themed because that is my all time favorite movie! We had delicious snacks, played fun games, and I was blessed with all sorts of baby gifts! It was wonderful to get together with family and friends and celebrate life. And our little Thumper is pretty much set on clothes from newborn to one year. He seriously doesn’t need a thing! And we have enough diapers to last us the first month or two, plus a decent amount of gift cards to pick up everything else we still need!
Here are some snapshots from the day!
The day after the shower my mom came over and we spent all day putting everything away and setting up the nursery! It is 90% done now we are just waiting on the rest of the bedding and a rug! Surprise! Here’s a nursery preview:
The theme of the room is aviation. I’ll do a more detailed post on it once it’s 100% done!
