Before Sawyer was born I wrote piece entitled I Don’t Know if I Can Share You because I was nervous about sharing my husband’s attention with our then-unborn son. I didn’t know how a baby was going to affect our marriage. I knew it would be in a positive way but I just couldn’t get used to the idea of not being the most important person in his life anymore, and him not being mine. I couldn’t wrap my head around someone else being the center of our attention rather than each other. Absolutely everything was about to change.
And change it did. Watching my husband become a father has been the most amazing experience. It blesses me so much to watch him interact with Sawyer. I know he would do anything for him, and that makes me love him even more.
How could I know? How could I know that our child and his attention-stealing self would make things feel so much more whole? I feel like we are now complete, and our lives have a love that we have never known before, and we are left with this question: how did we even exist before him?
Sure, life was great. We had nothing tying us down. We could go out whenever we wanted, I could have a glass of wine without having to worry about it affecting my milk, our schedule didn’t revolve around his next feeding or his next nap. Some would say we were free. But now, we stay home more, we drink less, is that really a bad thing? We spend more time together. As a family. And I’m surprised as how good it feels to say that.
Kurtis and I were a family before. If we had never had children, our family would still be whole. However, our family grew and it brought us closer together. I didn’t know we needed to be closer together, I didn’t know we could be. I didn’t know a lot of things before Sawyer was born. And even though our love is now shared, there’s more than enough of it to go around.
People often think of love stories as the events that lead up to two people ending up together. And sometimes they are. But the true love stories are about your lives together. The family you create. Whether two people simply grow old and have lots of adventures together, or have lots of little ones, and experience whole different adventures.
I’m experiencing a new kind of love. The love I have for my husband has changed, because of the love I have for my son, in the best possible way. Our story has only just begun.
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